Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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