are you so shy because you have an std?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you win again, gameday.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
