Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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