I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
