So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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