i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
