when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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