i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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