My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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