and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
