She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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