i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
