he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
