every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
