Too much gin, very little bucket
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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