i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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