fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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