Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
