remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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