were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
