1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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