I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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