It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
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He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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