I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
