I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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