Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
BRING THE BAGELS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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