did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
