its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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