My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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