would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
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You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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