Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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