I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
third nipple confirmed
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
