I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
