put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
