we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
