Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
