I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
