I just cut my nipple shaving
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
