I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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