Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
