haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
