We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
