I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
