you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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