I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
