Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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