My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
