Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
