Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
