guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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