That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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