Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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