I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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