this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
