there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
