actually, I'm a sock model
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
