wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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