it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
