You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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