whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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