watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
