I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
