I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
