i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
