the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
