Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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