if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
