Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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