my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
