thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
