so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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