If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
