Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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