No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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