I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
