Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need a beard to bite.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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