I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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