his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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