i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
