Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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