No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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