My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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