Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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