They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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