i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
