do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
