You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
