I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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