the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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