Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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