drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
