Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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