you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
