I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize