Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
