She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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